LORD, Please Give Me the Big Miracle

Standard

I wanted the big miracle. I was praying for the big miracle. I wanted God to change my breast cancer diagnosis to cancer-free, dumbfounding the doctors. I wanted God to banish the tumor, no surgeon needed. I wanted God to make my cancer journey easier, shorter and cheaper.

Every test result and every doctor’s visit was a painful reminder that my big miracle didn’t happen. Words of advice helped me to recognize what I needed as much as the big miracle. Words from a stranger who I met through a phone conversation arranged by a mutual friend. This breast cancer survivor advised me to quit praying for God to take away the cancer and to start praying for what was around the corner.

Her words spoke to my heart. I was so focused on the big miracle on my terms that I overlooked the miraculous in each day. Finally, I was able to rejoice in the miracles present all along. God’s confirmation of the medical team to guide my care. God’s peace for the type of treatment chosen. God’s comfort through the people he placed in my life. All miracles at just the right time in the perfect way from the heart of God to my troubled heart.

Oh, I continued to pray for the big miracle as we are taught to be bold in our requests. I know that God is more than able to deliver on the big miracles. But I also learned to trust God for the time in-between the big miracles. As I prayed for the big miracle, God in his mercy provided the bigger miracle. God desires to be in the mire of our lives. God treasures our relationship with him. Jesus chose to die on the cross to insure that relationship forever. All bigger miracles that abound for us this day. Thank you LORD for giving me the biggest miracle.

Mark 11:24

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 

Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

 

Things that Go Bump in the Night

Standard

A cancer diagnosis can instill fear: fear of the future, fear of treatment, fear of re-occurrence, fear of death and even fear that doesn’t have to make sense. Thankfully, my breast cancer was caught early and I was spared some of the fears that other cancer patients have to deal with. However, I remember one fear that caught me off-guard: fear of the radiation treatments.

These treatments were every day, Monday through Friday for seven weeks. I was positioned and then a machine whirred around me. It didn’t take long. It wasn’t painful. The technicians were sensitive to my needs. Regardless, those thirty-five treatments could instill panic in me that I struggled to control.

Why? The simple answer is that I could not see the radiation. I had to trust that the physicists properly calibrated the machine. I had to rely on the technicians’ expertise to operate the equipment. There was two feet of concrete wall to protect the workers, but there was nothing between me and this source of powerful energy. I feared what I couldn’t see.

I was able to overcome my fears of the invisible by focusing on a more powerful source, one not created or controlled by man: God. I learned to daily trust the Creator of heaven and earth who has every imaginable and unimaginable, every seen and unseen power at his disposal. The invisible God only became visible through faith. The invisible God became my God when I believed his promises for my circumstances. God will always be our ever-present refuge from the things that go bump in the night and darkness of our lives.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we live by faith, not by sight.

My Happy, Happy, Happy!

Standard

Jumbled memories that define the start of my cancer journey. A lump that should have been nothing to worry about. My doctor was reassuring as she handed me a lab request for follow-up work. A room full of people. More than I thought necessary to inform me that the lump was benign.

My introduction to the word cancer. “It is 50-50 cancer and I’m leaning towards cancer.” The radiologist was blunt. All of a sudden, I felt very alone. Hearing the statistics for five year survival rate based on the type and stage of my cancer. It wasn’t as high as I figured it would be. Cancer is scary stuff.

The first tears. The oncologist informed me that if the breast cancer returned as a metastasis, I would die. Okay, he didn’t use those exact words, but I understood the implication for the first time. Cancer is serious business.

My husband’s birthday. We were hoping and praying for a celebration. We sat in the surgeon’s office awaiting the pathology report on the breast cancer. I scanned the mumbo jumbo of the lab summary for any sign of good news.

Relief and profound gratitude. Hope and resiliency anew. The cancer was caught early. My journey of healing had begun. Thank you, God for my happy, happy, happy!

NOTE: For the 50 word version of this post and my response to a writing challenge, check out the Holistic Wayfarer, (www.holisticwayfarer.com) and look for the post, “It’s Happy Hour.”  Parenting, family, poetry…all good stuff over on Diana’s blog.

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.